She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
