speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
