I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
