Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
