I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
