Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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