Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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