I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
