Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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