hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
