Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
