in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Drunk is not a location!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
