I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I need help removing her.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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