I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
