3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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