drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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