"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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