how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
