you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
