apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Its about making memories worth repressing
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
