Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
