before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
