what day is it and did you see me today?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
