I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
