Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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