I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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