Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
