i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
