Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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