Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
