Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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