Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
