He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
