hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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