Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
