I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
