my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
