You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
operation have a gay friend backfired
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
