I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
