my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
