just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
