if we break up, who will get the dealer?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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