i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
