Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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