dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
