why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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