dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
