put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
