Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
