I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
